Lightening up

06 Jun

Given the previous post is very heavy, I am happy to share something I just found via BlogExplosion: Do You Know Your Bible? Thanks in advance, Bubbles. 🙂

The following are quotes from exams and papers assigned to 7th through 12th students:
“In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so He took the Sabbath off.”
“Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.”
“Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark.”
“Noah built an ark, which the animals came on to in pears.”
“Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.”
“Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.”
“Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.”
“The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.”
“Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.”
“The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.”
“The Fifth Commandment is ‘Humor thy father and mother.'”
“The Seventh Commandment is ‘Thou shalt not admit adultery.'”
“Moses died before he ever reached Canada.”
“Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.”
“The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still, and he obeyed him.”
“David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.”
“David fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.”
“Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.”
“The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.”
“The epistles were the wives of the apostles.”
“St. Paul cavorted to Christianity.”
“Paul preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.”
“In some religions a man can have many wives, and this is called polygamy. In our religion a man can have one wife, and this is called monotony.”

I suspect I have seen some of those before…

On another topic but similar, I still treasure a description of a triffid I once read: Triffids are plant-like animals that root themselves in parks and lash out at passers-by with their testicles. Spelling does matter after all. 😉

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Posted by on June 6, 2008 in humour


2 responses to “Lightening up

  1. Davo

    June 7, 2008 at 2:40 pm

    ” “Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.”

    Jeepers, can someone introduce me to Lot’s wife?

  2. ninglun

    June 7, 2008 at 3:03 pm


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